Day 22 : Alicia Keys ft Drake , Un-thinkable

I m on an emotional rollercoster ,loving her ain't nothing healthy for me right now...She is with somone else moving forward building something and I am the OUTSIDER,the PARASITE and this is killing me. She knows I m coming back but still she is starting a new story , and again I wonder how could we possibly have another chance if she is now commiting herself to someone else. I don't mind waiting for her but she keeps bloking herself and maybe she isn't realizing that she is again doing the same mistakes all over again cause she isn't commited at a 100% , she is in the middle of nowhere and on the other hand I know she is really feeling the new dude but is it cause she really likes him or because he is filling the void amazingly well and he is all about her or because it is easier?!?

I know where I am standing in this 'relationship' and I know what I want since day 1 ,but the doubts inside of me and the frustration keep growing...

How could she not let us be once again like for real after all this ,at least let us be , I don't wanna mary her or move with her tomorow ,all we could possibly do is taking things slowy , I feel like now we have all the answer to the equation , we know what went wrong and why!Oh yes ,I m not around yet but hey she is with someone else and that is fucked up.

We don't need to kiss and hold each other to flirt her and I , she can tell by the look in my eyes that I want her and I m not even trying to hide it and she is playing hard but then she runs back cause maybe she is affraid that she might get hurt again,I really don't know...Maybe she just doesn't want me NO MORE...


I know what I m about to say is completly childish but if she never comes back then I will wish her and I never happend to be cause the emptiness is so damn huge...it sounds childish but I m just being true to myself if she never come back to me I will always regret to have fall for her in the first place not because it would have been a waist of time but living with that pain is just unbearable.


I can t wait to be back , I need to be sure, I need to live her... I don't have any kind of plan I just wanna be around wait and see,that's it,...but to stand a chance I need her to be free, fully free,body ,mind and soul!

At a certain point , we gotta taste and test each other to know if it still feels good or not to be together! I can't live forever with doubts, yes I have been hurt but solving this story is a greater deal than fighting to keep my proud. She was my everything , shit happens doesn't it mean I have to give up straight away????