I am just tired of being strong and constantly underpressure because just as Drizzy says "I Get Lonely TOO"...
Looking back to what I used to be and what I am now,I completely feel out of space like living someone else life following someone else path...Started as an insensitive type of person to a lovey dovey lover to end as an knocked down youngster unable (or not willing)to get back on my feets. I fucked with so many people that I can't even remember all their names , I ve played out with so many hearts that one day it was meant to get back to me! I had so much sex that I didn't even notice that I actually had a heart... I have kissed so many lips that I couldn't even making the difference with shaking hands...My heart,my body and my soul were never synchronyze,love was a fairy tale and sex was just a game...I had GREAT gaming time but it was just a game I might had have some kind of affection for some of my co-gamers , I guess!
...but then @ 16 I secretly felt in love , @ 17 recieved my first real kiss , @ 18 was the happiest person in Europe for a year already ,@ 19 I lost a friend but she was holding my hand,@ 20 she brought me back to life,@ 21 doubts and distance were starting to put her downn...I didn't do shit!@ 22 she left me....@23 I am waiting for her to come back to us,knowing that she is settling donw with somone else , knowing that she is moving forward ,knowing that in 2 weeks I ll be back after being gone abroad for a year and a half...
My phone is full of new blood but it just doesn't appeal to me really,after several dates and maybe some kissing it just get borring ,I guess once you drive a "Aston Martin" full option it is difficult to drive a "Aixam" even if it is also full option and willing to do well.
I truly believe that the love that we share was one of the kind with the type of feelings that never really die and can wake up at any moment for no reason but as lovely as it could sound I just don't give a damn about that cuz all that matters in the end is the person who stays not the "souvenirs" or the possibilities and probabilities!!!When the sun rise /comes down she the first person to come to my minds, when I m sad ,happy,hot or whatever she always come first.And sometimes when I think of her ,I wonder if sometimes she wishes his lips were mine or instead of his carresses it were mines or if she has ever prononced my name while having sex with him...Wondering if after all those months I am still "The Best She Ever Had".Wondering if deep down she thinks that things maybe different if I am around.I am fucked up ,I know it...
Even more fucked up or selfish because I don't even know how it could be after all this time.Could I still be good to her,loving and carring?What I know for sure is that I know the best and the beast of her and she still appeals to me...I cannot say that I am trully madly deeply in love with her right now but "She Is The ONE" to me and I guess that is what matters.The truth is since we've been over..."I Can't Let Go" but either she can until this day!
...but she is with him not me,slowly hitting the 6th month of togtherness and obviously enjoying it...Is she in "L.O.V.E" with him? I don't know,where is her heart at?Is it just good vibe and fun times or is she builting with him?Would she run after me if I was with someone else?Every moning I wake up thinking today might be the day I lost her to him and it is getting more and more frustrating to be away from her.It s like having my whole life on hold whilst hers is advancing.It is truly a KAMIKAZE mission that could end up at any moment...
Anyway ,if I had "One Wish" today wouldn't waste it on money ,clothes or career cuz I ll have that with her in my life no doubt cuz she pushes me to the top and makes me wanna be the best for myself and for her...SO I ll wish she gives us another go because we "Can't Be Friends",I'll sadly rather her being out of my life than us sharing a fake frienship full of lies and untold stories... If I can't have her,I'll force myself to want her no more...It's all or nothing!
...but after this year I am sure that I can't "Be without You" ....
She is my "Bad Habits" !
#CONFUSION#
